Can Awakening be Lost?

Can awakening be lost?

I was in my bed reading a spiritual book when suddenly it felt that I knew exactly what the teacher was communicating. I had got ‘it’. I was in an altered state of consciousness and I experienced such happiness. I emailed my spiritual teacher who declared that I was awake. After years of spiritual seeking I had ‘arrived’.

This experience lasted a few weeks then was ‘lost’ somewhere. This caused considerable conflict in me because I desired to get back to that beautiful lost state.

This type of awakening is called  a lollipop  by the teacher Papa Ji. They are treats to be savoured, delicious insights into who you are, but as in the case of the lollipop, they end after the last lick.

Several years later I awoke permanently. This awakening cannot be lost. Once you have seen who you are you cannot unsee this. Typically, when you awake there are strong emotions, the minds reaction to seeing who you are. These euphoric emotions do end and there can be a period where awakening almost seems ordinary, almost an anti climax because it is not the constant bliss that you thought would arrive.

Awakening is the end of seeking. For years I defined myself as a seeker. When seeking was let go of, it was like my very identity left.  It was such a relief to find that I did not need this identity any more and like a rusty old overcoat it was discarded.

Awakening is knowing who I am – which is oneness and non duality. And this knowing cannot be unknown, cannot be lost.

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